-today i had a talk with my daddy, and as you prolly know, if you've stayed posted with all my other blogs then yea ;; my daddy doesn't know i date but he knows of sam. [ btw all my blogs have a purpose, because i'll always bring up some part of it in my new blogs ] anyways yea so my dad has a new wife and a child on the way, his new wife is in asia. my dads waiting for me to graduate which means i'll be movin out on my own, and he'll have his chance to go live in asia with them. he said something about me havin my own family and sending him money every now and then so he can come back to the USA to come visit and so i can finally meet the step mother and my half lil bro or sis. my response back to my dad, was " how am i suppose to have a family if you dont let me out to date or have boyfriends ". he said if i can take care of myself i can do what i want, which means hes allowin me to date. he said when im in love to make sure hes a good guy. && i told him about sam, and how sam has impacted my life and made it better. how sam respects me and is a good guy. so my dad approves. which im very happy =). im glad me and my daddy are having convos like these, its bringing us a whole lot closer, not that we've never been close because psshhh we always have.
well thats all for today;; ima head off to bead early, because im still kinda tired from that bbq beer pong party yesterday lols. next week- a group of us are going go kart racing after finals!! YAY =)
well toodlez, goodnight.
Although i have just posted a blog, i like to always go back a few mins after and edit some words or spelling or add in a few sentences more. so before reading my posts, wait a day. lols
-Okay so awhile ago, i was washin my clothes and left my contacts in my pants, so i was screwed. ordered some new ones and they finally came in hehe. they're gray && i actually took a pic to display it, but im not sure your able to see it because its a webcam pic and webcam pics pretty much suck. oh yea i did my own eyebrows to, doesnt look different much, so you can't really tell lols;; btw no edits on the pic.
btw;; i quit myspace, only go on to talk to the boo sam if i need to leave an important message, cuzh i dont have my cell at the moment, long story. no i didnt get in trouble LOLS.
oh and as a i mention in one of my previous blogs, DAYUMMM i am hella addicted to blog. i post at least 4 a dayy. and i've started blogging may 21st and alreadt 32 posts. haha, no life much?? J.K. i have one, obviously because im going somewhere with it instead of remaining at the same position stuck in my parent's house.
-Okay so, me and sam arent over yet. i guess he really does want to stick around. 3more days && i'll be 7months =)..
- oh yea i've been meaning to do a blast to the past blog, but couldnt find an old pic of me. lols but now i have. because me and my lil bro was talkin about it, and was actually the 1st time i found out he even blogs lols.and i just finish washin my clothes bleh.
-As i look back on my past and what my reputation use to be. i'm pretty happy at how i turned out. i got me a boo whos willin to stick around no matter how many times i push him away for countless and stupid reason or assumptions that i come up with. i got a job interview, i'm almost 18 && movin out [ well i already have moved out. my parents live on the 2nd floor while i live on the 1st floor, but i mean move out into my own apt.]. going for my licsense. i mean its been a rough year and i've manage to pick up the pieces on my own. i have friends, but there just people i hang out with i guess, not people i let into my personal life. so its whatever, i did it on my own. didnt need anyone's help. and all this is comin from me, so thats a surprise, because in all my life, i've always had to rely on someone to protect me, help me, be my rock and now i dont. life is lookin up for me right now. i can honestly say i'm going on the right path.
-back then i was this "hoe" or what people called me , even my close friends which turns out they really aren't my friends because i don't keep in contact with any of them what so ever, even my own cousin- sa
d to say, but life goes on, but what people didn't know was that i got raped, and i may have lost it young. but that doesn't define who i am because look at me today, i've gotten farther then most people have in their whole life and ever will. to be honest and i dont care that im puttin it out there for the cyber world to read, i've only had sex with 2 guys. but that was back then in 7th grade, i havent had sex since then until now, my junior yr. i had sex with 2 other guys. all in all, basicaly it was just 4 guys. and if that makes me a hoe. then im gladly to say im a hoe. but im not because at least i can count the number of guys i did with my fingers and it doesnt have to take up all of my fingers not even one hand. i use to think because i lost it young or got raped, i'd be the 1st one out of my childhood friends to be prego, but im not. YAY for me. but theres no need for me to put it out there and try to prove myself to anyone because my future proves it for me. but i'm just lettin it out, how i feel, cuzh i've felt this way for awhile. people not knowin what they're talkin about. and they should get they're facts straight before ruining one's life.
-pretty much i had a rough yr with people callin me a hoe , even my close friends who didn't even seem to back me up. but its whatever. so taking a look at the past and now, i've become a better and stronger person because of it.
-so today i woke up with no plans, but ended up going to a bbq beer pong party. had fun, danced a little, and did the usual ya knoe. met a few cute guys, but none that i was interested in. lately i havent been interested in any guy or want to get into anything with any guy anymore. because i really don't care.
-oh sam wrote back to that somewhat break up letter. he was shocked i'd say??. i dont know lols. he answered saying something like so...you want to take a break?!?!. i guess he was madd to, i'm guess he doesn't want to stop. i asked him what he wants because he never tells me how he feels or what he wants, and i'm always lost. everytime i feel that way, or i feel like he doesnt want me anymore i try to break it off with him, and no matter how many times i do that or how many times i try to push him away or how many times i bitch at him and assume shyt about his doins and where abouts or no matter how many times i get jealous and how jealous i get. he never wants to leave me or stop talkin. he sticks around, i don't understand why, i guess he does want this and im just to stubborn to see it because i want more. i want him to tell me, i want him to show me. i really don't know where we stand, but we'll see.
-oh && in the dayy, i watched "sam i am". it had me crying. its a good movie. i liked it. but ima continue this some other time because that party got me worn out. goodnight, toodlez.
