Long DAY;; Versus Dance Crew

-Okay so today i woke up at around 11. Showered and did the usual, got on myspace and started talkin to my friend because i had left him a comment tellin him to spot posting his dance crew videos. He said it was his friend but then again if anything could not help it because i have alot of friends [over 10k]. So he'd appreciate if i'd help to promote them. I told him he should make a webpage for his crew. What did you know.... obviously i didn't, but they already have one. He gave me the link and as i looked at it, boy were they in need of HELP. so i took over and redid the page, now im kind of like their manager, well i felt like it, lols. so heres one of their videos and the link the the myspace page of Versus Dance Crew.

the page is still underconstruction, but i did a good job huh?? yes bg and banner and eveything else was made by me. =)
http://www.myspace.com/teeveed






-other then helpin him out all dayy, i havent spoken to either guys, i guess its official to say that i have no attatchment to anyone and that im completely single. I've realized its okay, all i have to do is keep busy and they'll both be forgotten. As of this moment i feel like i've accomplish something just because of realization. I have a smile on my face, and didn't need any guy to put one on for me. I'm happy =).

-by the way i have a new follower. YAY hehe =). for some reason, although i've had a long day, i'm pretty hyper and happy, very happy. i deserve it. plus tomorrow im having lunch with a guy that i've known since my freshman yr. he use to be in my be in my 1st period art class and he told me that he liked me and waited all this time because he wasn't sure if i liked him back, he was scared. maybe i'll stick to dating because gettin my hopes up and fallin for a guy leads to nothing most of the time. i guess it really isn't my time to settle down, even though it sounds nice. but one day i will have a long relationship, and another one after that and maybe one day i'll be lucky enough to get married and have kids. but for now, i have a feeling everythings going to be just fine.

give me a sign

- ever since i met this guy, or have been talkin to him, i stay up till like 4am. then when i met him, we kinda drifted away, and dont talk as much. && that made me stay up even more. it also made me start acting like a bitch to the guy that i like, to push him away. honestly i have no idea how i feel. and i haven't slept in awhile. so today ima keep this short, and head off to bed. so give me a sign, help me make a decision about how i feel and what i want.

NO more guys for me =)

-yes im going lesbian........LMAO. jk

okay so i was talkin to my friend and she made me realize, each time i meet a guy, instead of takin a step forward we do this whole 180 turn. cuzh last wednesday i met sam and now its like i dont even know how i feel for him anymore, it use to be all nice and sweet and i was so into him as if i was sprung even though i wasn't. then i met this guy this pass wednesday, but now hes going back to fl. and even in the past when i was with this one guy, we broke up but though about gettin back. and it didn't workout because he moved down south. its like each time i get close to someone, it all goes away. so i figure its about time i probably focus on myself, although i'd love to have more then myself to rely on but in the end thats all you have anyways.

at the moment im eating. pretty tired. and what a crappy weather connecticut is having at the moment. rainy wet day, makes me sad and emo;; blehhhh haha, what i'd give just to be somewhere where its nice and warm. somewhere i can hitt up the beach and relax, get a tan and not have to worry about a single thing. make it seem as if life itself has frozen. hehe =)

well back to eating i go, i'll be back later on tonight to update what happens throughout the dayy as it goes.

its whatever

-so today's june 4th, techincally the 5th cuzh its like 12:37am. but yea it was richard's birthday. he turns 19 today, so happy birthday to you and also jessica marie. thinkin about age and life just makes me realize i'll be 18 by the end of this yr [nov 26th]. although it seems like i may have the whole world to worry about life, but when you think about it - you can never predict the future, you'll never know whats gonna happen if you try to plan it out. planning things out are meant for change because things will never go as followed. thinking about ageing and life, makes me want to change so much and grow up. makes me want to find love and settle down, now im not talkin about marriage and kids, but a long relationship sounds about right at this moment, something i've longed for, for a while now. im tired of waiting, i see all these couples and its like when will it be my turn. i guess im not as lucky, but most will say i am lucky to be single because i have my whole life, but you dont know that, i can die the next week and never feel what you may feel. so your taken, okay........so what. some may think its a bad thing because of the arguements and the fightin, the disagreements and the jealousy. but i think those who have that special someone are the lucky ones, because like i said , one can die in the next week and never feel what love brings to the table. yes it has its ups and downs but in the end workin it out together and just havin that person at the end of the day when the sun goes down can be the best feelin ever, and that person who can die next week can never experience that. dont take anything for regret or any resentment. its like tht saying you'll never know what you have until you lose it.

someone has got me feeling some type of way;; i can 't display it and put it out on the table. but that person has really got me thinking, but it doesnt even matter now.

time to say goodbye................to him
&& everyone else;; im going to sleep now

the power

ahhh i can't seem to sleep. it is now 2:07am. and its just i have so much on my mind. no idea where to start, what to do, or even how to act. ever wish you had the power to read one's mind, ever wonder what someone is thinkin, what they think of you, && how they feel. especialy its times when people all over the world walk around with smiles, and its when you least know , that its fake. theres more to a person then a smile, most people are good at hiding their emotions. i on the other hand suck at it. i seriously break down so easily. i feel like im having a melt down, crazy thing is i dont know why. well its not that i dont know why, its just i have so much on my mind. im not sure which one of those causes this melt down. or maybe i do, its just something i can't speak of. but i feel like im stuck in between;; confuzed and dont know what to do or what to feel. blehhh maybe i need to let go. then i wouldnt feel so in between or even trapped.

on the other hand, i've been thinkin about relationships alot lately as well. and all types of relationships, from friends, to potential boyfriends in the future, and family. i feel like i either think it over to much, which i do alot. i over think and go over board into assumptions. or i just put way to much effort into keeping a relationship thats not there no more. thats over. so why should i keep trying if they're not willin to put in effort.

&& thats the reason why i give up;; i show no love;; im cold hearted;; act stubborn and stuck up- but its life, what more can i say.