my life flash before my very eyes

an accident;; THE BUS CRASH INTO THE CAR??

idk or was it the other way around. anyways i was on the bus and it crashed. i was so into my phone that i had no idea what was going on. almost 5 people got hurt on the bus and the lady in the car of course.

i just wanted to take the time out to thank everyone for spearing me the time and helping me out when i needed help, and for always being there for me. i wanna thank the creators of my birth to life. without them and him, the guy up above, i sure wouldn't be here at the moment. i know i'm not perfect, but i try. it the least you can ask for, i can't do much. but i'm learning my mistakes and instead of moving on down, i'm moving on up. so stick with me, and i'll never fall. i'll live till its over.

iM0VED

a changed me// a new place

So basically i moved to Orlando, Fl. I've changed my hair color, got highlights. My attitudes changed as well as my look. Things I do now are things I do for myself and I'm trying to do it for my future. I've been living here since January the 9th. so basically its been almost 2 months now. I moved a couple of friends, friends that I don't think I'll be having for the rest of my life though. They're just company for now. I can't picture and see myself with them in the future. Then again I can't see that with anyone because its obvious that people that were my friends aren't here now and we sure don't keep in touch. So whats the point of a friendship? N0THING, we all become strangers, enemies, and the air. because in a count of 1-3, poof reality hits and they're gone after they got or you got what you wanted.

New update

So i changed my new hair color lols. the picture is ugly but its whatever, just an update. i officially do not talk to anyone anymore. its been over a month and some change, almost going on two months now that i've been single and officially not talking to anyone. i have been busy with modeling;; i have practice runway walking all this week and then i have fittin on saturday, yay. the show is on the 13th and i can't wait!!!!

I'm a different ME

_ Lately, i've been out later then usual even though summer is over. i have't really been acting myself, but i think i'm a better me. its not that i've totally changed, because i still am who i am. i just now have another side to me. maybe it was because my parents were strict then, and now that im almost 18..... they aren't so strict as much anymore. yesterday 9/12- was the 1st time i even slept over a dude's house, yes it was my bae sam's. i went to visit him and well i only had enough money to go see him and not go home, but he was gonna pay my way home. when we got to the train station, we noticed he forgot the money. so the train came and left and im still there. so i slept over his house. hehe =)

anyways i attend HCC [ a community college] hehe, i've gotten better at my driving, and soon whe i turn 18 i will be going for my license. im so happy and proud of what i am and became.

Life's Ah-Maz-Ing

_ So lately throughout these pass few days, i've finally learned how to drive. played beer pong, took my 1st drink [ no im not an addict, it was only 1 drink, 1st and maybe last or not the least bit until the future ], && basically just been living up my summer life. Hanging out with Vanida and Sara<3. Sad to say Vanida went back to FL and Sara is back in Plainville or Windsor i think, idk, but she'll be back tomorrow YAY =). Going to the movies, bowling, lots of parties [ which for the most part, im NOT a party girl and barely ever go to parties unless its a family party and im going with my parents ] and oh em gee FINALLY go-kart racing, which i've been planning for so long and things don't ever turn out as planned but this time i finally went, and gosh was it awesome. Met a guy, but we're just friends because hes beyond my age and plus i'm still talking to Sam and its been 10 months as of yesterday, gosh almost a yr. hehe

My Monday

_how it started out with me sleeping all dayy and actually almost finishing this one book that i started to read a while back but didn't get to me until now. its called "ever after". wanna know more?? well go look it up. hehe =). anyways after sleeping and reading most of the day, vanida came to get me and well we went out and came back at 12. we we're suppose to sneak out and go see this one guy but then there were like 4 other guys with him, and she didn't want us to be the only girls. so we stayed in and didnt do anything, as you now see i'm here typing up this absolutely boring blog. sorry if my blogs now a days aren't as interesting as it use to be, its just i haven't had the time to actually sit down and type up a good one or actually put any thought into what im going to blog about except for just going on and ranting about totally nothin. so thats it for now. i'll be back whenever i can to update this.

OHHHHHHHHHH, did i mention?? i moved back home hehe =). so hitt me up with some plans.

_so here i am sitting in the campus library, and came across someone's blog. and i just thought that its crazy how we use to talk nonstop, met and now we don't talk. its like nothing ever happened. its nothing that i actually care. but it brings me back to that state of mind. that having a friend is never worth a while because in the end it doesn't mean anything, in th end or even the begining your friendship is over. friends come and go, and no matter what dont lose yourself, dont cry over a lost friendship.

anyways i finally get to move back home on friday, my classes at fairfield university are over. which is crazy, i got out of school and then a week later report to fairfield university and now i get to go back home. basicalyy i had no summer at all. it was worth it though.

oh yea i met this guy a west conn. like 2-3 weeks ago?? i think.... we recently became friends on myspace and are now commenting back and forth. my new bestfriend knows him, what a quinky dink aye lols. so now he thinks i'm going to end up talking to that guy which i honestly and highly doubt that i will because me and sam are still talking and although we have our moments, no one can take his place. i honest and surely give my heart to him. i love him so much.

well thats the update for now. gotta get back to working on this huge project thats due tomorrow for my closiong ceremony

An Update

_so im in my dorm room just chilling, on my laptop as my room mate goes to sleep. me and sam are still talking, but we've been arguing way more then the usual. but i've been seeing him more often then before, almost every saturday now. this pass saturday, i went to his job and we we're talking. then got to an arguments and i left his job. lately i've been going out so much that i've been so busy, i dont even have the time to update this anymore.

Now my room mate is awake. and singing.

okay my next door neighbor/ bathroom mate walks in and asks if she looks darker. lols and now my room mate says she needs to fart and to listen

oh btw. i read a blog a while back about a bathroom situation, where this dude was takin a shyt and didn't have anything to whipe his as with. and i told my friend about it and he made a video. which was hilarious.

now as i end this blog, and soon enough will head off to bed, my room mate says shes picking her ass right after she looks over my shoulder to read what i've been typing up this whole time.

a poem

my professor suggested on the 1st day to write a biologica poem. and i was lazy so i wrote this whack as poem in my opinion because i know i can do better

Look above as you achieve the future you will see
Look below and this is me
Look through a camera, the finer things can be,
Look at a picture, what you see is what you'll believe

Achieve a dream, a dream I dreamt.
The goal of my belief
I put my heart and soul
I will succeed
My dreams exeed

Your name means nothing
But like mines its the definition
Define parell
My future is not caparable

A mirror image of me
Is not what you'll see
Count to twenty-three
As high as the tree I'll be

college

Ahhh a little update as i am here sitting in the library of Fairfield University, bored out of my mind. Well as of now I am living on a college campus. Taking classes for the summer and what not. I just moved here on sunday and its only been what 1-2 days and already i kinda want to go home, i miss it so much. Never thought i would ever miss him. Oh i don't talk to anyone anymore and i D0 N0T go on myspace anymore, i've learned that it causes way to much trouble and i have absolutely no time for that at the moment. Especialy at the stage of my life right now. well thats enough about the time being as of the moment.

so moving along, 4th of july was whack. spent is packing up. so its whatever and NOOOO i didn't even get to see fireworks but i sure as hell heard it alot. sounded like another vietname war going on and its the yr what, 2010 of course.

a dayy with him ='s my satisfacation

-so yea like i said in the previous blog, i was going to see bae the next day which was yesterday. ahhh, i had a great day even though the weather was hella sucky and there was a warning on tv that there might be a thunderstorm or something, we still made the best of it. i met his best homeboy, like i spoke to him but never met him until yesterday, hes cool. really sarcastic though. haha bae was trying to fall asleep, so me and his homeboy aka so called bro [rodney] would pull sam's hair from like his leg or armpitts to wake him up. which was hilarious. but then i guess you can say if you cant beat them, join them. so i kinda took a lil snooze with sam and rodney was knocked out, which all happen by the end of the day, which almost made me miss my train back home lols.

uhmmm some how us 3 ended up talkin about kids and then i had said bae wanted 3. rodney was like whoaaa, so yall like... and bae was like yea me and her established this already. and rodney's like oh okay. so yea you can say me and bae are serious even though we're not official. but like i said before, i guess theres no need to label our love. we're different. and i like how things are going with us.

well i got home at like 8 something from bae's house, i was there from like 11 i think, so yea i was there almost all dayy, but when i got off the train i stopped by the house in back of mines where my friend vanida is visiting from florida. so we watched a movie. then i went home at like 12 something. bleh.

over all my dayy couldnt be any perfect, because as long as i spent it with him, its all that matters.

florida && updates

- lets start with some u p d a t e s.

I FKCIN LOST WEIGHT,, hell yea. i can fit a size small now hehe =)
things with me and sam are on the rocks., we have our goods and bads
but today i get to see him, so yea its the 2nd time. yeeee hehe lols, excited
uhm my friend vanida's visiting from florida, like she does every summer of course
yesterday me nd her went to see transformers 2. it was pretty good, at 1st i wasn't
gonna go see it because alot of people have said its long as hell and boring but to me it
wasn't at all. it was worth it. i guess you have to see things yourself to believe it, right hehe?
uhm i finally got my nails done, havent done that in awhile. nd i love it. ran into brooke nd jennie
gettin their nails done then we all went to mc donald's together and made plans to go tanning lols
[bae thinks that funny;; asians tanning] haha lols. i guess so, ideekayy. Uhmmm so moving on haha

F L 0 R I D A
- well my sister lives there and understand whats going on at home. the whole situation with my parents and what not. she offered to buy me a plane ticket to go stay with her in orlando florida. she said i can relax, get my mind off things,hav fun, no need to stress. buttt uhmm ideekayy, cuzh id ont want to leave vanida, whos visiting from florida to be alone. every summer she comes to visit, im the only one she hangs out with. since my house is back of the house she stays at. we're summer buddies. besides its not like i know anyone there. so i said no, even though i really did want to go, just to experience something new. and also i havent been to florida since i was like 11 going to disneyland or world or whatever.

uhmm well i just woke up and its 6:44. a lil to early huh?? on a summer day vacation off from school??... yea i know, i guess im way to excited to see bae, plus i guess its a good thing i woke up early because it gave me this chance to blog, and i needed to blog since i have done so in like 6 dayys, well for now im done. im off this. going to try to sleep a lil more, because i dont want to feel tired when im with bae. yeee, well toodlez. =)

boring as dayy

ahhh, theres nothing to do. i woke up && tried to go to sleep, but couldn't. and you ask why, well because i couldn't get sam off my mind. i haven't spoken to him since he said he wanted to be with me, yet needs to think things over. at 1st i thought it was his way of ending things, but then that wouldnt be right because sam's feelings are real and hes not like other niggas that say shyt and mess around. i soon realized that sam is actually thinking over things because i saw his status update. his mood said bummed, and his status said lost. i hope things between us work out, to be honest i dont even know why we're in this situation anyways.

oh yea, like the page?? i redid it. hehe =). other then that, is was a normal day. the usual, nothin specific or exciting today sorry to say. lols. well i guess i've spent a lil to much time on blog today, editing my page and what not. && there isn't much to say unlike other times. so i guess i'll be off this for now.

toodlez ;)

-Lmao okay so i just had this convo with my fkcface buddy kix;; dont ask about the nickname. because hes calles me fkcface too and honestly i don't even know how we started calling each fkcface or where it even came from. But uhm yea anyways we both live in the same state but different city, and we never met. we were suppose to meet but i rejfected him when he asked me to go to the mall to meet him and then i was suppose to go to his new yr's party. but i had no ride. lols. so far me and him has known each other for about 2 yrs. and I LOVE speaking to him. he cracks me up all the time. we have these weird conversations and they go on and on forever. especialy on facebook and myspace, we never write like one line to each other, its always like a frickin paragraph. but yea i think thanxz to kix thats how i met sam. cuzh i think sam found me off kix's page. lols or so sam says but i know he found me off ahem cough* j**'s page.

"fkcface kix" (1:04:35 AM): i juss got back frum tha gym n i juss grubbed

"fkcface kix" (1:04:37 AM): ill brb

"fkcface kix" (1:04:39 AM): if ur still on

"fkcface kix" (1:04:39 AM): lmao

xxelsyee (1:04:44 AM): i'll still be on

xxelsyee (1:04:55 AM): we're gonna make plans

xxelsyee (1:05:02 AM): and your gonna fkcin give me my pho

xxelsyee (1:05:02 AM): LMAO

xxelsyee (1:05:08 AM): before you go to cali

xxelsyee (1:05:17 AM): and maybe i'll miss you after

xxelsyee (1:05:21 AM): if you make a good impression

xxelsyee (1:05:22 AM): lols

"fkcface kix" (1:06:10 AM): lmao wuss a good impression

"fkcface kix" (1:06:16 AM): i aint gon stick it in u if thass wut ur askin

"fkcface kix" (1:06:17 AM): lmfao

"fkcface kix" (1:06:21 AM): im kidding

xxelsyee (1:06:25 AM): LMAO

"fkcface kix" (1:06:31 AM): its lik im fcukin mah boi

xxelsyee (1:06:31 AM):

"fkcface kix" (1:06:32 AM): lmao!

xxelsyee (1:06:39 AM): doing mean ima do it with you when we 1st met

"fkcface kix" (1:06:43 AM): unless i stick it in ur butt

xxelsyee (1:06:45 AM):

xxelsyee (1:06:47 AM): and shiet

"fkcface kix" (1:06:51 AM): lmao

"fkcface kix" (1:06:53 AM): !

"fkcface kix" (1:06:55 AM): :P

xxelsyee (1:06:58 AM): oh my gosh

xxelsyee (1:06:58 AM): LMAO

create your own "happily ever after"

- theres never going to be a "happily ever after" if you dont create it yourself. don't just dream of it, because its never enough. you can get so far, have all the money in the world and fame; but trust its never enough if you don't spend it on someone other then yourself. life isn't about being selfish, so mature and find that one person you truely love and create your own happily ever after, do more then just dream of it, chase it and make it come true. a person can do so much and get no where, sometimes your happily ever after will find you. so never give up either. thats what i've learned today.

to be continued... i have to go to sleep now. finals tomorrow.

sorry for....

-i'm sorry

sorry for.....turning this whole blog into a love journal. i'm sorry i can't ever seem to make up my mind, i'm sorry my blogs aren't as interesting as it started out to be.

but fuck it. its my blog, and i'll write as i please. lately i've been sorry for alot of things. but it stops here. no one is in control of this blog account but me, therefore it is mine and i can do and write what i want, how i feel, and my thoughts. this is me. im a roller coaster. take it as it is and who i am or fkc off.

my heart aches ............

- i feel like i can't even breathe sometimes just for the simple fact that hes always on my mind. last thing he said to me was he wants to be with me but just needs time to think about it. they say girls are hard to figure out, but guess what?!?! So are guys, what is there to think about, you should know what you want and if not then let it go?? Am i right??. I don't even know, i have so much going through my mind as each time i try to catch a breath or one big leap of air ,it hurts. my streangth has weaken without him. i am no longer strong. i thought i can be on my own, but i can't. i can't sleep, i can't stop having all these thoughts racing in my head, i can't stop questioning myself what if. i can't deal with this erghhh.

im quick to judge && JUNE birthdays

-heh, today i've learned to not judge as quickly as i do. and if i've judged you then im sorry. its just i hold up a wall and try to keep the bad from the good out of my life. i know its wrong now. because there are some good guys. today i judged someone a while back. and to find out hes not bad of a person. and although he likes me, i cant say much. i just know im not gonna let myself like him because at this moment im not ready to like anyone. i got a job and i have school to focus on. and thats all im going to worry about because i have to help my dad whom i love so much. hes my life. && everything that i do has to help him out in any way possible. other then that, i'm still happy. keeping my head up.havent been done as usual lately.

oh & yea this mornin i was on aim. and this boy whos name starts with a J who tired to talk to me awhile back, IM's me and his birthday is on june 16 as well as my lil bro and home boy keith. then i get on myspace and someone else's [no name] birthday is also on the 16th. suprisingly i left a comment for him and said happy belated. dont know why i did, but whatever. oh and this other guy's birthday is the same as sam's birthday nov 16th. what kinda ish is that. now that me and sam arent talking, its like everywhere i turn theres the thought of him. oh and today's our 7months, but it doesnt even matter anymore.
to be continue. gotta go and eat then get ready for work. 6-10

workin YAY =)

im finally working. got a job at the mall. hehe =)

finals are tomorrow

sam doesn't know what he wants, he has to think about it, but he wants to be with me. confuzed much?? i am to. its whatever, i got a job now. and i have no time for childish games and relationships. either we work it out or not. tomorrows our 7months. but whatever happens, happens. its mean to be. oh well

other then that. i cant wait to go go-kart racing && now paint balling as well. which are the weekend plans hopefully lols.

btw;; i got a new follower yay. ahah its jan!! hehe


okay im back ;;although the situation with me and sam is kinda still a blurr, a mystery, a question. i'll be fine. got my job, and im busy most of the time now. school && work. seems like i dont have time for alot. but im happy, because when i do have time, i have money at least LMAO. no need to ask daddy or rely on other people, which i hate to do. but they offer so what more can i say, i do turn them do but it never helps. anyways no i can offer to pay for them lols. schools almost out and i'll be puttin more hours in. maybe do something on the side for my own entertainment because going out and having a bf is out of the question.

im not even thinking of having a bf, im just all about the money and education. i dont even think about boys anymore. usually im online talkin to so many guys but now im barely even online even before my job, i stoped gettin online. i only go on, just to blog. no more myspace. i only sign-in in the morning and before i go to sleep to check if i get a message back from sam, because i guess we're tryna work things out, but now that he says he needs to think about it. i guess im freee. we're taking a break. we're not talkin anymore. idk lols. anyways im off this for now. toodlez